Tonight’s song is a joke. In 1975, the band Dr. Hook had no money at all: they had gone bankrupt. So what did they call their next album? Bankrupt. And their single? The Millionaire.
Learn from Songs · Unit 9b: Second conditional · B1
The Millionaire
Dr. Hook’s cheeky song about the lives of rich rock stars, released by a band that had just gone bankrupt: the second conditional (If I were a millionaire, I’d…), I wish I had, would / wouldn’t, and money vocabulary, with Philo, Sophia, Marcos and Demetria.
SOPHIA
MARCOS
Ha! I like them already.
SOPHIA
The song makes fun of rock stars with their limousines and their big houses. And it makes us ask: if you were a millionaire, what would you do?
DEMETRIA
Give it all to the Library, of course.
Before you listen: the song
New York, 1975
Dr. Hook (first called Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show) was a band from New Jersey. The name came from the singer Ray Sawyer’s eye patch, like Captain Hook in Peter Pan. They were famous for funny songs, many written by the poet and cartoonist Shel Silverstein, such as “Sylvia’s Mother” and “The Cover of ‘Rolling Stone’”.
Although they had hit records, the band had spent too much and owed money, and in 1974 they declared bankruptcy. They called their 1975 album Bankrupt, and released “The Millionaire” as a single. Audiences loved the joke.
In the song, the singer describes the life of a rich star: big cars, fancy houses, people who do everything for him. The joke is that the men singing it had nothing at all.
Money isn’t the same as happiness.
Listen: the rich life
PHILO
Listen once. What does a millionaire have, according to the song? Do they sound serious?
SOPHIA
Then answer Section A.
💰 Listen to the song: “The Millionaire” (1975), by Dr. Hook.Find the recording →
📜 Read the words while you listen: “The Millionaire”, Dr. Hook.Read the lyrics →
If I were a millionaire
MARCOS
If I were a millionaire, I’d buy a racing chariot. If I had a palace, I’d invite everybody.
SOPHIA
If + past simple, would + infinitive for imaginary situations. had here is the past of have, but it means now: If I had money (now), I’d…
I wish I had…
DEMETRIA
I wish I had a big house. I wish I were rich. I wish I could travel.
SOPHIA
wish + past simple / were / could for things that aren’t true now and we want them to be. Same tense as the second conditional.
Money words
PHILO
He earns a lot. He spends too much. He owes money. He went bankrupt. He can’t afford it.
SOPHIA
earn (from work), spend (on things), save, owe (you must pay it back), afford (have enough money for), go bankrupt (lose everything, unable to pay debts).
Sophia’s comparison: Croesus and Solon
SOPHIA
King Croesus of Lydia was the richest man in the world. He showed Solon of Athens all his treasure and asked: who is the happiest man you know? Solon named a poor Athenian who died bravely for his city. Call no man happy, Solon said, until you see how his life ends.
PHILO
And Ecclesiastes says: whoever loves money never has enough money, and whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with what he earns.
Sophia’s summary
| Words and forms | Use | Example |
|---|---|---|
| If + past simple, would… | imaginary situation | If I were rich, I’d travel. |
| wish + past simple / were / could | wanting things to be different now | I wish I had more time. |
| earn / spend / save / owe | money verbs | He owes me ten drachmas. |
| afford | have enough money for | I can’t afford it. |
| go bankrupt | lose everything | The band went bankrupt. |
Practice
Listen to the song for Section A, then do the rest. Press “Check my answers” at the end. You can try again as many times as you like.
A · Listen: the song
Listen to the song and choose the best answer.
1. What is the song about?
2. What happened to the band in 1974?
3. What was the album called?
4. Where did the name Dr. Hook come from?
5. Who wrote many of their funny songs?
6. Is the song serious?
B · Grammar and vocabulary
Write the missing word or words.
7. If I a millionaire, I’d buy a ship. (be)
8. If I had a palace, I invite everybody.
9. I wish I more money. (have)
10. I can’t that coat. It’s too expensive.
11. He me ten drachmas. He must pay me back.
12. The company went and closed.
C · Right or wrong?
Is the sentence correct English?
13. “If I would be rich, I’d travel.”
14. “I wish I had more time.”
15. “I can’t afford to buy it.”
16. “I wish I have a car.”
Talk and write
Discussion and writing
A million drachmas. You have won a million. In groups, decide: If we had a million, we’d… You must give half away. Who to, and why?
Discuss. 1. Would you like to be very rich? Why / why not? 2. Why do some rich people seem unhappy? 3. Was it clever or silly for a bankrupt band to sing about millionaires?
Write (100–120 words). If I were a millionaire… Write what you would and wouldn’t do. Use the second conditional, I wish, and at least four money words.
Now play the gamebook: a chest of gold in a fisherman’s net.Play the gamebook →